Top Posts Tagged with #the misunderstanding-of-dean-by-everyone-including-himself-and-the-supernatural of it all | Tumlook (2024)

friend who is watching Supernatural because I won't shut up about it: I dunno, the episode "It's a Terrible Life" feels kind of empty and doesn't really make a lot of sense. Like, the message is just "ghost hunting is mad fun, bro"

me, buzzing with murder board energy: no, no, but you see... *writes hundreds of words about how this is one of THEE Dean Studies episodes, especially when paired with the season two djinn episode and endverse, and builds important parts of the angel's lore and plans, and is a meta example of the show's creators misunderstanding their own characters and stories*

Clarity on the whole Jensen thing

Somebody asked me on another post I made about more context on what is going on with Jensen Ackles and the Winchesters series. I answered that comment, but I've decided to do so here as well because there might be some people who just don't know.

Now, this is not a timeline. This is a sloppy compilation of everything I have seen and heard over the last two years, since Supernatural ended. Feel free to correct me! Feel free to add to it! Feel free to share new information! That said, I am going to organize everything I know in the order I believe it happened. Without dates. Please keep this all in mind.

Also, spoiler warning for The Winchesters. I'm not pulling punches here.

It will be in two sections.

FIRST SECTION -Jensen, and the moves he made

The end of Supernatural was met with, well... "mixed reviews" would be generous. Everyone on the show stood by it... and Jensen did, officially. However, he was honest about the fact that initially he was having trouble with the ending. He tried to talk to the writers about it, I believe. But WHAT I DO KNOW is that he called Eric Kripke himself to get the ORIGINAL CREATOR'S take on this show's ending. Kripke gave his advice in favor of the ending, telling Jensen "You gotta think of the fans."

A little background on Jensen's relationship with his character, Dean Winchester. He has literally called Dean "the best imaginary friend [he'll] ever have."

Jensen established a production company with his wife, Danneel Ackles. It's called Chaos Machine and they formed a professional relationship with the WB in October 2020, approximately a month before Supernatural ended.

There is nothing that says that Chaos Machine has the copyright for Supernatural. That's probably why they partnered with the WB.

The Winchesters was announced with Jensen and Danneel Ackles attached as Executive Producers and Robbie Thompson credited as "developing" the show.

Jared Padalecki, as we know, had NO IDEA. I know I said this is a "sloppy compilation," but let's be clear about this: THERE WAS NO FEUD. Jared was upset and took it public on twitter, yes. Jensen promptly called him and apologized. Jared deleted the tweets and even reaffirmed their friendship. If there is any other issue between them, it has not been public from what I've seen. As we all know, the media likes to embellish. There was no "falling out." Just a misunderstanding that was promptly fixed.

The concept for the show was the years John and Mary were together. Jensen and Danneel stated it was a concept they had always wanted to explore.

The Winchesters aired October 11, 2022.

SECOND SECTION - Evidence of retcon/continuation/expansion

Dean narrates the beginning and end of every episode.

Dean appeared at the end of the first episode, writing in a notebook that had information in it that was taking him on some kind of journey. It was information that seemed to shake up everything, at least within the sphere of his parents (IT WAS NOT JOHN'S JOURNAL). He got into his Impala and drove down the road.

In this show, there is the Akrida, an apocalypse, preparation for that, and deadbeat dads (Samuel Campbell). They had to find Samuel and he had more info on the main plot, including a bunch of observational photos. John and Mary (who are very young and are just starting to fall in love) find a photo (right at the beginning of their makeout sess) of a guy.

This guy is super special - "Who is he?" "Who could he be?" And apparently, THIS GUY gave John a letter when he came back from Vietnam from his father, Henry. You know - MAN OF LETTERS HENRY.

WE NEED TO BE CLEAR - In the original canon, John never knew his dad was a man of letters and he NEVER KNEW Mary came from hunters. But in this show, JOHN KNOWS ALL OF THIS and is even HUNTING WITH MARY AND A RAGTAG TEAM OF MISFITS before they have even started a romantic relationship.

But wait, who is the guy in the photo? It's Dean, guys. It's Dean Winchester stepping out of his Impala. Dean is the one who gave John the letter.

Dean is time-traveling. This photo was taken within the decade this series takes place, the 1960s, in case you weren't convinced.

That's all the context I have. I know ya'll are saying Jensen is gloriously unhinged. I know it is with love lol But he has an artist's heart, evidently, and his love for Dean Winchester isn't going to die. We waited 15 years for SPN to be turned around and well... let's wait and see what's to come!

Roleplaying

Title: RoleplayingSummary: (Y/N) askes Jensen to try something new during hiatus.Paring: Jensen x ReaderWord Count: 1036Rating: E - EveryoneWarnings: FluffSquare Filled: Trying Something NewBingo Card: @spndeanbingo​A/N: None

Check Out: SPN Dean Bingo Masterlist

A content sigh escaped Jensen’s lips as he stretched his body out over his bed. He had arrived home late last night officially on hiatus for the summer. He had a few interviews to do this morning, but after that the day was his to do as he pleased. Pushing himself up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he looked down at his phone seeing a text waiting for him.

Good morning handsome! Enjoy your first day of hiatus and I will see you later this afternoon. Don’t forget about our plans for the night. Love you!

He had almost forgotten about having plans for the night as the memory of his wife, (Y/N) asking him about trying something new with her popped into his mind.

Three Weeks Earlier

His weekends home were never long enough, but the light at the end of the tunnel of another Supernatural season was in sight. He watched as (Y/N) was reaching new characters for her latest book while chatting with a friend of theirs. Ending her call and closing her laptop, she snuggled into his side.

“I want to run something by you, but I’m a little nervous too.”

He looked down at her fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, “I’m super curious, please go on.”

“The weekend you come home for hiatus, I was wondering if maybe you would be willing to try…” she bit her lip averting her eyes from his.

He lifted her chin bringing her beautiful eyes back to his, “Try what?”

Taking a deep breath, “Try some roleplaying with me?”

“Roleplaying?” She confirmed that he had heard her right as his mind immediately imagined several different scenarios to act out with her, “Absolutely, if you want to then yes, of course.”

(Y/N)’s smile was radiating, “Really? I thought maybe you wouldn’t be into this type of thing, but this is great. Thank you!” She learned to kiss him before snuggling back into his side.

***

Since that night, Jensen had been dreaming and fantasizing about what kind of sexy roleplaying they would try. Some of his favorites were strangers meeting at a bar or pizza man delivering to a lonely girl. Even now, as he sat on a conference call with Jared and a reporter from Chicago he could not keep the images from flashing before his eyes. The more he thought about it, the longer the day seemed to drag on. Trying to distract himself, he decided to work on some projects around their house. He had just finished mowing the grass when (Y/N) called.

“Hey honey, on your way home?”

There was a long sigh, “Not yet. Hey could you do me a favor? Grab a change of clothes for me along with my bookbag from my office and meet me at Jared’s.”

“We’re going over to Jared’s tonight? I thought we were going to try out the whole roleplaying thing?” Jensen walked into the house heading towards their room.

“We are over at Jared’s. Hey I have to get back to this meeting. I will see you there. Love you.” She ended the call as he stared down at his phone for a moment before sending a text to Jared.

Hey buddy, are you alright with this whole plan for tonight?

There was an immediate response confusing him even more.

Absolutely! (Y/N) told me all about it. Should be a fun time tonight. See ya in about an hour.

Running his hand over his hair, before it dawned on Jensen what she had planned. A wide smile spread across his face, excitement buzzing throughout his body. After taking a shower, he grabbed some clothes for (Y/N) and her bag which was surprisingly heavy making his way to his car.

Arriving at Jared’s he was surprised to see quite a few cars in the driveway including (Y/N)’s. Walking inside was like walking in on a Supernatural wrap party. Felicia Day, DJ Qualls, Jared and (Y/N) were all standing around the dining room table.

“Jensen, finally I can change out of this stupid dress.” (Y/N) rushed over to him grabbing her bags.

That is when everything became clear to what they were doing at Jared’s. His cheeks burned while his stomach dropped seeing the table set up with a map, dice and several books he recognized from her bookshelf. He followed her upstairs to the guest room shutting the door behind him.

“Handsome, why did you bring me a dress and fishnet stockings to wear?” She held up the clothes he had picked out for her role.

He looked down at his feet, the weight of his misunderstanding sitting heavily on his shoulders, “When you said roleplaying you meant the game you play with Jared once a month.”

She nodded then her eyes went from the clothes to his burning face laughter erupting from her, “Oh my god, you thought I meant… oh Jensen… I-I’m so sorry…”

“I should’ve known. I’ll go back home and get you different clothes.” He turned towards the door just as her arms wrapped around his waist.

“No, don’t leave. I’m really sorry. I could have been more clear about what I was asking. Are you still willing to play Dungeons and Dragons with us? You’re not the only new player tonight. Jared convinced Zac Levi to come and play too.”

His eyes snapped up to hers narrowing in on them, “Well I think I have to stay and play so you don’t run off with you nerd crush.”

She stepped away from him pulling the simple green dress over her head and slipped on the crimson one shoulder dress on, “If I was going to run away with anyone other than you it would be Felicia, my nerd queen.” She walked out of the room chuckling leaving him stunned in the room alone.

That night he learned two things. One, (Y/N) was an amazing storyteller and brought to life a whole world for them that made him beam with pride. Two, he actually enjoyed hanging out and being nerdy with everyone but he would never let any of them know it.

If you enjoyed this story then check out my Masterlist!

For updates please follow #waywardnerd67fics

C’s (1/?) Destiel Rec List:

That gets less and less coherent as it goes.

So here is a rec list by order in which I read them and not by preference. They’re like, All Destiel, because that’s how Post-November C rolls:

First on the list is The Courtship of Combat by bendingsignpost 18k

I KNOW it’s not Thee fic by bendingsignpost that everyone is talking about. I know. BUT, I dearly enjoyed it. It’s the first in a series and it’s A/B/O. (I know. I know. Don’t @ me. Or do.) It’s pre-relationship and the characters are definitely themed toward early-Destiel if you catch my drift. Omega!Dean’s hand is being fought over. This wouldn’t matter to Castiel except he totally told Michael that the reason he wouldn’t marry anyone is because he’s head over heels for the Winchester Omega that he doesn’t even have a real recollection of ever meeting. It’s like the perfect balance of a meet-cute and meet-ugly. I just LOVE bendingsignpost’s Castiel voice. It’s such a great characterization.

I’M GONNA SCREAM THE SECOND ON THE LIST IS ANOTHER A/B/O?!? I swear I don’t read that much A/B/O, but this is another exception because it’s Biological Imperatives (Or Not) by tiamatv 29k

Tiamatv is one of my favorite writers. If you’re unfamiliar with their work, I’m gonna rec more of it to you. No worries. THIS lovely piece of work is a Beta/Beta narrative that focuses on how hilarious A/B/O tropes are from an outsider perspective, but doesn’t do it in a way that feels insulting to the classical tropes. It’s just people living their lives where these situations happen not often but enough that they know how to deal with it. Dean and Cas have several first dates trying to figure out what’s happening between the two of them. Castiel is thee love of my life in this piece. And Dean’s headspace makes for a witty narrative.

If you know me at all, you know this next one HAD to be a regency and it’s Of Lords and Letters by MalMuses 14k

Dean is the master of the Winchester estate after his father passes. Unfortunately for the estate (but much to Dean’s pleasure), he can’t run it personally because he’s at war. Not that he likes war all that much, but it’s what he knows. War he knows. Sam is a conniving but well-meaning little brother and puts him in contact with Mister Castiel Shurley. (I KNOW. I KNOW. I allow Castiel Shurley in recent fics only if Chuck is cast as an asshole, and he is :)) But seriously, it’s SO Regency. There’s letters, pining, propriety, and men in period suits. What more could you ask for?

Y’all probably gonna immediately peg who I am as a person when I say Always Together, Eternally Apart by EmiliaOagi 27k is probably one of my top ten Destiel fics.

Here’s the thing—Ladyhawke is probably my second favorite movie in the entire world beat only by The Princess Bride. (Seriously, if y’all wanna bribe me with anything, it will always be that.) NOT ONLY does EmiliaOagi beautifully incorporate the source material, but once more Dean Winchester is SO Dean Winchester it hurts. This piece is from Sam’s perspective, and his running inner monologue is both insightful and entertaining. If you’re unfamiliar with the plot of Ladyhawke, I refuse to spoil it for you. Some things must be experienced, and this is one of them. Either by reading this lovely work or by viewing the original film, you’ll understand the legend that so captivates me.

OH ANOTHER DELICIOUS ONE and it’s like in that vein of Retired Hunters But Not Yet Together Destiel is Welcome to Pine Shores! by andimeantittosting (Saylee) 20k

It’s always fun reading Dean character studies, and this is definitely one of them. So the long and short of it is PINING FOR DAYS (this was written for Pinefest) and Dean trying to set up Cas with other people because he thinks Cas might want more. Oh, and did I mention they’ve been running this motel for like thirteen years? And they share a bed? *Tropes Intensify*

There is also Dean Winchester and the Patron Saint of Blind Dates by goldenraeofsun 18k which I think some of y’all are familiar with.

Sort of what it says on the tin, to be honest, folks. Dean’s friends set him up with some blind dates and the bartender—Castiel—grips his Purple Nurple tight and raises him from perdition. (And no, it’s not a euphemism.) The dates are sort of outrageously in character and interestingly enough this is a Sam/Ruby fic too! I sort of liked how it played out in this piece. If you’re worried about the Sam/Ruby dynamic, fear not! They were both former addicts and have since been clean for (a year or two? I don’t recall the time frame.) Dean has a love/hate sort of relationship with an emphasis on hate with Ruby since she’s the one who got Sam into drugs (allegory for the demon blood) but she’s also the one to try to go clean first. I just thought that was an interesting take, and one I would’ve linked to have seen the show pursue to be honest, but Supernatural has to keep the hot ladies dead or villains or both haha ;)) I digress. It’s a smaller read but the subject matter is pretty heavy. From former religious cults to the former addicts, please keep in mind if mentions of these things make you uncomfortable. It’s definitely the one whose subject matter stuck out the most to me. So apologize if I’ve missed mentioning anything specific for y’all in the previous recs or this one.

WAIT THIS NAME LOOKS FAMILIAR!??! IT’S andimeantittosting (Saylee) BACK AT IT AGAIN BUT THIS TIME WITH The Winchester Affair 34k !!

SAYLEE YOU HAD TO MAKE IT ONTO THIS LIST TWICE. Another Regency, except this time Castiel is long time friends (with benefits *eyebrow wiggles*) with Dean. He’s in love with him, obviously, so this means that an asshole named Zachariah that we all know and loathe comes around planning to frame his poor sister (Hael) with stealing Mary Winchester’s brooch if Castiel doesn’t find some damning evidence on the Winchesters for him. DRAMA AHOY!!! This is a very harlequin/regency novel. It’s actually based off of a novel called Ware the Marquess as is the wont of the Destiel Harlequin Challenge. Very good challenge to check out; very excellent fic to read. And the author so nice we listed them twice. ;) SIDE NOTE: This is totally one of those Regency ones where It Simply Isn’t Done, if you know what I mean. Like, no one is outright slurring or something that I can recall (and it isn’t tagged so I doubt there is), but it Isn’t Done, But They Love Each Other Very Much.

So you guys know Scoobynatural is my comfort episode, right? Well, one of my favorite things that I’ve delightfully discovered is the trope of building off of Cas’ one-liner about being effin’ married, so have The Nikkah by Maxine (WinchesterPooja) 28k!

Reads like a Case-fic as there’s an entire sub-plot happening with Sam. So this story happens well within the canon despite being canon-divergent. This one does end happy!! There’s a view episode like fics I might rec that end in canon-fashion with Dean repression and I love the pining and all but sometimes I need sweet fandom closure. Long and short of it: Djinn culture? Djinn queen? Fake-relationships? Sam dealing with nightmares? This baby can fit SO MUCH ACTION into a fic.

Okay, so you know the fic with the Bee Movie allegory? (It’ll come up on this reclist.) This has the same vibe, except for the relationship is out of order and Dean is Diagnosed with If I Do It This Way It’s Okay. Yeah, it’s Command Me to Be Well by prosopopeya 28k

Human Cas, back from the dead, post-finale, and Dean is trying to figure out how to get his happy ending. I’ve seen this one make the rounds on fic rec’ing so I think it’s a bit familiar, but I enjoyed it. Even though—as my bookmark says—I usually don’t go in for hurt/comforts with heavy on the hurt because my poor heart can’t take it. This is one of my few exceptions. This one has a healthy dose of Castiel standing up for himself with the bittersweet tang of him literally willing to do so much for Dean. But it’s a Dean perspective, so it really deals with a lot of his inner thoughts.

This one is,,,, in a similar vein as Command Me to Be Well. I guess I was in a mood. Baby, Come On Home by woodenducks 9k.

IT’S SEASON NINE WITH A SIDE OF PINE. What more could you ask for angst? Human Cas in Rexford trying to make a life for himself when all he wants is to go home. But he’s also trying to figure out what home even is for him. There’s a lot of drama between Dean and Cas, because of course Dean wants him there. But blah blah angels and blah blah whatever excuse the writers wanted so we couldn’t have human Cas and Dean in the bunker. We KNOW obviously the only thing keeping canon Dean from snapping was the fact that Cas was not human around him. *heavy eyeroll*. Anyways, this is a heartbreaking read from Castiel’s perspective.

One of my favorite Rescue Cas from the Empty fics is (they'll never break) the shape we take by auroralynches (teresavampa) 9k.

There’s this super cool concept of how Castiel experiences his regrets within the Empty and how Dean navigates through them to get to Castiel. I really enjoyed it, and of course the greatest love story ever told has got to have SOME theatrics and sentiments that are definitely reflected in this fic. My point is, I really love when Empty Rescue fics include analyzing Castiel’s regrets, and this one does so but from Dean’s perspective. As in Dean is viewing Castiel’s memories and trying to perceive his regrets.

Sooooo Epistolary by tiamatv 9k eh?

I love love LOVEEEEEE epistolary fics. I love them. I’ll always read them. And I totally told you I loved tiamatv. This is probably another one for the top ten fics just because it plays into my things. Love letters, music, and misunderstandings, oh my!!

HERE’S A VERY SEXY TERRIBLE LIFE ----> Ties that Bind Us by TheTwistedWillow 13k

Okay, so BASICALLY what if It’s A Terrible Life happened in like, circa-season 13 and Castiel was thrown in with Dean Smith and Sam Wesson. Literally all that I wanted in this fic. I do mean it’s sexy, by the way. I can’t even begin to explain this fic beyond it’s Castiel’s perspective, and he has some awareness that something is off. And being inside Castiel’s head when he’s not Castiel gets me every time.

OKAY I KNOW THIS IS THE THIRD A/B/O FIC ON THIS LIST I KNOW I KNOW The Mills School for Distinguished Girls by SillyBlue 13k IS WORTH IT THOUGH?!?!

Alpha Dean Winchester is going off to war. In the meantime, his family still doesn’t know about his marriage to Omega Castiel (in fact, they still think Castiel is a Beta.) Male Omegas are very rare in this universe, and it is addressed along with the fact that just because Castiel might look different on the outside doesn’t make him any different than the girls. Which I thought was a thought-provoking interpretation. There’s prejudices here—a lot of them against women and omegas—and a temporary character death which actually moved me to tears. I bookmarked this saying bring the tissues; bring the tissues.

THE BEE MOVIE FIC THE BEE MOVIE FIC THE BEE MOVI— according to all known laws of life by sobsicles 29k sobsicles I owe you a great slice of pie.

Sobsicles, my beloved, my bestie <3 (am I allowed to say that? I mean it affectionately. Well and truly.) You REALLY got in my head with this one. This is literally such an insane read that I read it twice in a row. Yeah, whoops. Cas is back from the empty and Dean is an asshole about it because feelings are hard. Here is what I bookmarked this fic with: “Dean Winchester has issues. He gets through them. Like a Bull in a China Shop, but he gets through them. The metaphor works.” And that is EXACTLY what happens. Dean is such an asshole and I LOVE IT. 14yr me would cry at the concept of reading this but 14yr me is a tasteless bitch. This is where it’s at. Dean has so much he’s mentally working through and Cas won’t take no sh*t and Sam is tired. It’s great. I love it. I know we rec sobsicles left and right over here (and I know there’s a new one I haven’t read yet) but this one is really my favorite. And I know some people feel uncertain when fics/authors get popular in a fandom, so if this isn’t for you that’s okay!! But well and truly this is just one of those in the top ten Destiel fics of my heart.

Baby Jack during the Widower Arc truther here like Trial and Tribulations of Raising a Nephilim by Sickandtiredofyou 14k

I’ve seen this one rec’d before but not enough. Like this one SHOULD be talked about. Because I am a Baby Jack Truther, and putting a baby in the widower arc is my literal weakness. Dean goes crib shopping. He paints the nursery. He does that season 2&3 thing he does where he wrecks something so that he has to rebuild it. He’s mourning. He’s crying. Sam is afraid to hold a baby. There’s a lot of emotions and they’re raw. Promise there’s a happy ending, but be ready to cry first.

Another sam pov because i love my little brother Letters to Nowhere by Goodluckdetective (scorpiontales) 28k

AWWW YES. So this is another Empty Rescue fic. This one plays up the Orpheus and Eurydice lore, but in a surprising twist this is Sam’s POV!! Sam doesn’t know the full story, and we as the audience aren’t granted omnipresence for this fic either. It’s just point blank is his emotions. Him worrying for Dean, missing Cas, and wanting a happy ending for all of them. It’s sort of epistolary with how Sam is texting Castiel’s phone, but in general it is Sam Winchester wanting to save both of his brothers. So despite it being Destiel, the Destiel is almost the background ship since this story is Sam’s story and how Sam witnesses their story. It’s pretty meta in that sense, in that he’s aware there’s this grand story going on and we as an audience know there’s this grand love story happening, but we’re reading Sam’s story.

One of those i mentioned where its like an episode and they just end with tension between them >:((( but SO enjoyable and very much like an actual MotW Soul Searching by Lottiethroughthelookingglass 13k

It is in a screenplay format, but I didn’t mind that. It’s definitely a fun read! I thought the characterizations were pretty grand all-in-all. No get together though in this one if you’re looking for Destiel. Sorry. But it does make its way on to the list because we deserved a body swap episode and never got it.

This is like the third fic by tia and im not sorry and it’s Filoplume by tiamatv 8k !!!!

Its SOULMATES BAYBEEEE!!! But it’s not destined Soulmates. It’s like… soul compatibility, but only AFTER you’ve forged the bond. Self-Made Soulmates as it were. Very achingly and lovingly sentimental. Like, I think I’ve read this one four times in one week? It’s the shortest rec on this list (and while I definitely have shorter works bookmarked, I wanted this rec list to be longer ones for some reason I guess) but it feels longer. Maybe because every paragraph is like a gut punch. egGH. It’s another Empty Rescue by-the-by and Dean’s soulmark (given to him by Cas after Castiel’s Despair Confession) helps get him into the Empty.

OHOHOH LEVERAGE AU!!?! The Jericho Job by giantteenwolforgy 20k

The first in a series and I am SO EXCITED FOR MORE. I absolutely adore Leverage, so seeing this was like clearing my skin with care products I’ve never used. The characterizations are amazingly well done and vivid. They feel so unbelievably real and it makes me an eager beaver to get to the meat of them connecting as a team and family, but the slow burn is well worth it.

Yes, yes, Dean needs him, and need = love for Dean’s vocab but what does dEAN WANT and what does want mean to Dean? Find out in if you try sometimes, well you just might find by JenTheSweetie 9k

I’ve always been a huge fan of metas that dissect Dean’s differeniation of need vs want, and this whole work was like one of those metas. It’s a Cas POV of him trying to figure out how to read this man that he knows so well. It pulls out the angst and it makes me ache, but promises there IS a happy ending and Dean WANTS it.

Shush you know you want Goodbye Stranger meets Detroit: Become Human you knOW YOU WANT IT Digital Heartbeat by Chancy_Lurking 14k

MHM IT’S SO GOOD. Talk about good characterization. This work is almost a time piece? There’s a few skips in the timeline but you get the good parts and what’s needed for a full narrative. Castiel is an android sent by Cyberlife to the Men of Letters for aiding in hunting. He’s—of course—assigned to the brothers Winchester.

Shush delicious content right here mwah Heartstring Promenade by SaltyWords (agent4hire22) 17k

Another Empty Rescue?!? Yeah, yeah it is. Dean is sort of reckless. And by that, I mean a lot. But it’s fine. All happy endings, and smutty endings too. ;))

This is one of two 36-questions inspired fics I’ve got bookmarked, but the sex in this one hits my preferences too perfectly so it gets the spot and this list is getting too long to include all of my bookmarks to include both of them anyways but Seek to Know You Better by ahurston 32k mhmmmmmm

This fic is very personal to me. I couldn’t explain even if you asked me to. It might be the Florida Citrus Tree expressionism in Cas’ thoughts, but idk it's such a mystery (the way you know me) by fleeceframe 20k has got it on the list.

Cas loses his memories for a short period of time. Dean and Sam introduce Castiel to Cas, and Dean and Cas have a heart to heart. <3

A vERY interesting premise in a fool's kind of careless by Paclipas 9k

Dean is SUPER off his game when he can’t tell the difference between Cas and Not-Cas over the summer. Canon-fic.

A FIC FROM 2018?!?! WITH TIME TRAVEL??!? Ye ye it is Crazy Diamonds by pantheon_of_discord 24k

Dean of 2018, married to Castiel, swaps places with his newly dragged from Hell 2008 self. Time shenanigans and Bobby Frickin’ Singer ensue.

This one is ONE I AM OBSESSED WITH ACTUALLY And Neither Do You by callsigntango 45k like if it's not the one everyone starts talking about :((( is SO GROSS how callsigntango describes the empty and i lOOOVEEEE ITTTTT. Also plays into a Florida myth I totally forgot about so high-key freaked me out. Hahah.

2020 favs: (short) fic recs

I am stealing this idea from @macgyver-sheriff, who has no clue who I am, but whose post I saw go across my dash. Thank you!👋

Would you like some recs for the holiday season? - I too would like to share love for my favorite things I read that were written this year! <3

I’m going to do this in two parts - the short fics(10k or less, generally one-shot), and another post for the long or series fics I loved this year (it’s 2020, I figure we can usetoo much of a good thing?)

( @staidwaters - I’m‘disqualifying’ your works because I’m biased, sorry! Look away! Unless you want recs!)

"Congratulations, Get Rich" (9,238 words) by Attila (The Untamed- modern AU)

Tomorrow is Chinese New Year, which means Wei Wuxian has to get all of his bad decisions out of the way tonight.

Lan Wangji, Lan Xichen, Jiang Cheng, Mianmian are all so screamingly perfect as modern versions of themselves in this, and it is KNOCK DOWN HILLARIOUS. Wei Wuxian is just a screaming queer disaster (affectionate) - as he should be.

Excerpt:

After a long beat, Lan Xichen sinks gracelessly into the chair Lan Wangji had been sitting in earlier. “I just want to be absolutely clear,” he says delicately, “that you are currently under the impression that my brother has no romantic feelings for you. That is what you’re saying to me right now, yes?”

“Yes?” Wei Wuxian says, feeling desperately confused. “Obviously? Why?”

“Because at least one of you is very stupid, and I’m trying to figure out who,” Lan Xichen tells him, sounding distracted. It’s the rudest thing Wei Wuxian has ever heard him say, and his mouth drops open slightly.

“caved to the careless” (6,708 words) by ilgaksu (The Untamed/MDZS - Song Lan/Xiao Xingchen)

Love is a choice you make - like this, and this, and this.

Have you ever read a writer whose work is so distinctly itself that you can feel yourself slipping in time even as you keep going? That’s not very articulate, but it’s the best way I can describe everything of ilgaksu’s I’ve read. Their fics are the same emotional register as having the breath knocked out of you after a fall. This was the first one I read, and I think it ends well-- with what Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen find along the path-- but it’s still heavy. Discussions of canon-compliant character death and grief/mourning here.

Excerpt:

He pauses. Until this very moment, he was unsure who to ask for. He has heard the rumours of the Yiling Patriarch’s ongoing residence here, about Zewu-jun’s seclusion: he’s dead, but even the dead are not free from gossip. But he remembers a courtyard, nearly two decades ago, and the weight of eyes some might have called angry in their intensity. He remembers those same eyes, and how for the wear of the intervening years, they had kept the same essence: longing, yearning, a kind of small unspoken grief.

Song Lan had a dream once. A dream of a sect, bound not by blood, but by a shared belief in the right path. So many things are only an inheritance: shame is one of them.

Love is a choice. Love is a choice, and you choose until you can’t.

“I am here,” he decides, carving the words into the dirt, every stroke of every character resolute, “To meet with Hanguang-jun. Please show this one the way to go.”

“Green River Running” (8,169 words) by @rain-hat (Love in the Moonlight- post-canon AU)

5+1: Kim Byeong-yeon returns to the land of the living.

I skimmed through Love in the Moonlightduring my quarantine summer (distinguishable from my“quarantine spring” or“quarantine fall” only by fireworks), and immediately upon finishing, thought:“Psht, they killed off their best character.” And then, something happened that never happens-- I went on ao3 and found the exact thing I was looking for, written farbetter than I could have imagined. Kim Byeong-yeon is such a quiet yet powerfully subversive presence and the progression here is so masterfully done. This is true of all of rainhat’s work’s I’ve read, but this is a fine example-- I really treasure the warm humanismof them.

Excerpt:

People needed helping hands even more than they needed sympathetic ears, though. Over the last year, Hong Gyeong-rae and Byeong-yeon had built houses and planted crops side by side; negotiating with moneylenders here, helping small-folk secure their stores against bandits there. There was nothing courtly about Byeong-yeon’s capacity for labour, or his expectation of reward. Wherever he went, he worked from dawn to dusk, ate the food he was given, and slept under a roof if he was offered one.

It suited him, Hong Gyeong-rae thought, even though there was something outlandish about his gentle speech and palace manners in the midst of it all. But to behave in any other way would be untrue to his upbringing; nor was he the sort of man to whom it would occur to try. And after all, most people liked to be treated with courtesy; it did not come across as mockery from this solemn, severely dressed young man, who seemed to find no task too big or too small. Hong Gyeong-rae had seen him argue tax law with local councillors and stand up to highwaymen armed with nothing but a knife and staff. But he watched cooking pots for women who had to run to the fields to tide over the day’s labour, too; he wrote letters for them, and tolerated their fractious children and spoon-fed their bedridden elders, if that was what was called for.

“The Veritable Records of King Taejo: Year 2, Entry 208“ (9,857 words) by @sadviper (My Country: the New Age - Nam Seon-ho & Hwang Sung-rok slice-of-life)

Hwang Sung-rok eats his way to the bottom of a real estate scam, and Seon-ho and Yeon help (a little).

No one is out here doing it like SadViper. This is technically part of a series, but they can all be read separately. I did not realize I needed to see more of Nam Seon-ho in all his“type-A government official glory” until Viper started sketching him out for us, and as a bonus, we get to see Yeon, and Sung-rok as the world’s surliest caretaker (but don’t call him that).I have an authorial fallacy where I always think stories have to have some grand“plot” -- a“Maltese Falcon” to pull the reader along-- the genius of Viper’s work is she shows us exactly how interesting and important the day-by-day tiny choices and connections we make are, with an impeccable background of historical research to ground you in the setting.

Excerpt:

Nam Seon-ho was his master now. He was a strange one. He was a traitor, for helping the escaped Liaodong soldiers, but not, because he managed to wiggle his way back into Yi Seong-gye’s favor and was now a sixth-ranked inspector with the privilege of having personal audiences with the King. He was temperamental and belligerent from being the son of a slave mother and a lifetime subject of Lord Nam’s fantastic parenting philosophy. He was afflicted with perpetual guilt. And he was also one of the hardest working and most desperate people Sung-rok had ever known.

It was a terrible combination. He was not merely a disaster waiting to happen, but a disaster perambulating on two legs at the edge of a chasm. If Sung-rok intended to stay in service for long, he needed to find a way to cool down some of Seon-ho’s intensity, even though admittedly, it was what drew him to Seon-ho in the first place.

Thoughts like these plagued Sung-rok for a while. It was one thing to know a person; it was quite another thing to try to change them.

“Orison” (4,975 words) by @gravelghosts​ (aeli_kindara) (Supernatural 15x18 coda)

Cas says, I love you.

So! This rips my heart out, every time. All the times Dean imagines himself together with Cas...and then he imagines himself, if not happy, then thriving.

Jack: “What is the point...if everyone I care about is going to leave?”

Castiel: “The point is that they were here at all and you got to know them, you... When they're gone, it will hurt, but that hurt will remind you of how much you loved them.”

Excerpt:

The thing Dean tries to do is: listen.

Happiness isn’t in the having. It’s in just — being. It’s in just saying it, Cas tells him, and Dean’s whole heart is screaming, No, but he shuts his mouth. He listens. He listens like his life f*cking depends on it, which it does, in more ways than one.

“Sky Full of Song” (6,632 words) by @drivingsideways (Supernatural, finale 15x20 fix-it, Dean/Cas)

Or: The One in which Cas ghosted Dean.

Look. Look. If Cas(tiel) can yank Dean Winchester out of Hell, celestial-scream at him not once but twice,burn out a woman’s eyes like an utter clownbefore thinking“Huh, an Earthly vessel, guess that’s not just bullsh*t, then,” and when they finally work it out, Dean greets them with a knife to the chest and THEN they’ll spend twelve yearsmisunderstanding each other and bickering,you had better believe these two are going to bedisasterseven in Heaven. Drivingsideways gives us all of that dynamic, with the found family of Jack and Mary as facilitators, and the happy resolution, which of courseincludes a true form“roughly the size of your Chrysler Building.” <3

Excerpt:

The thing is, Castiel doesn’t want Dean to feel obligated.

Dean has a streak of self-sacrifice that's as wide as the Caspian Sea, and Castiel doesn't want to be any more of a chore or obligation than they have been to Dean for all the long years of their—brotherhood.

Castiel had shocked Dean, to the core of him, with their confession, and Castiel had seen the swirling confusion, the fear, the panic, the sh*t what do I say, what do I do—how do I stop him—

So, no, Castiel would not be paying a visit anytime soon.

Of course, if Dean evinced an interest in meeting them, then Castiel would not stay away.

Castiel isn't that cruel.

(They have, on occasion, been exactly that cruel, but they are trying to outgrow it.)

Dean is still their friend.

Dean knows how to reach them, if he wants to.

(see?disasters. haha)

“The Rough” (3,267 words) by anactoria (Supernatural, finale -15x20- ‘fix-it’)

Heaven can absolutely f*cking wait.

Rec’ed for the concept more than the style (this is dialogue-heavy, as a lot of 15x20 fix-its tend towards), but I *love* this course-correction: After kicking around Heaven, Dean and Cas return to Earth to take their place as urban legends among the hunter community. Just for a while.

Excerpt:

But it isn’t life. That’s the thing. It’s awesome, but it isn’t life; life’s a hard, painful, infuriating mess, and Dean only got halfway through his own, and he feels cheated. For all he held it together for Sammy at the end, for all he tried to take Cas’s big moment-of-happiness speech on board, he feels cheated.

There’s supposed to be peace at the end. When you’re done.

Dean wasn’t done.

Representation, Authorial Diversity, and more.

“I’ll take some beef jerky and a pack of menthols.”

Been a while since most of you thought about that line, hasn’t it? And for some of you it somehow sends some primitive lizard brain gaydar into overdrive and you can’t really pinpoint why, can you? It makes no sense, that line alone, and how it stands -- but between all of the talk of both Bobo Berens and LGBT media history, including The Celluloid Closet/Vito Russo or the Vito Russo Test, this moment actually puts a pin in a shift within our show, its handling of content formerly completely overlooked by creatives, and the importance of diversifying our writing crews that we all press for.

It was the moment our show leaned, and frankly-- should have been the moment the straights panicked. In fact, some of them did, just before it aired, and then everyone has played at oblivious since.

Before seasons air, we get news on new authors being added to teams, or other workers. Pre-S9 was no different, with fandom finding a tweet from Bobo Berens, our first open-closet LGBT author. I mean, Out And Proud. A true king.

The association if this is the mention of the Bechdel Test, a step aside of Vito Russo.

Now let us begin.

Well first of all I’m just gonna let everyone get a giggle at how Bobo handled the straight male knee coil:

But anyway the response to his initial tweet was a merry go round of concern trolling in the area of“OH DEAR I FEEL SO SORRY FOR YOU PLEASE ALLOW US THE NORMAL ASSBAGS OF THE FANDOM TO TELL YOU AN AUTHOR HOW STRAIGHT THE CHARACTERS ON THE SHOW YOU’RE WRITING FOR ARE” and I dunno, it’s comedy.

Whether or not Bobo was addressing SPN as a new project in particular -- and it, from a dark age of SPN I’ve covered the upheaval during -- this is important. Really, really important.

Let’s say that timeline does overlap Bobo’s, and he did implicitly believe it; he might have had to write them as Straight Guys; but his own deep-seated place in the LGBT community developed resonant text, he made change. Change enough that when his first script was put into motion, the showrunner took one look at it and, for the first time in recorded history, we had note of some sort of intent --

Misha went on to say“so that’s what we played there.”

Regardless of anyone’s misunderstanding about how the fandom riled themselves up prematurely and shot themselves in the foot by lighting a CW exec on fire in the middle of network level board/CEO rotation commotion, or whether or not it’s visible enough for anyone--

this, this moment, this content, created by this LGBT individual led to this first known forward motion of intentful creative subtext. People can hilariously try to argue semantics about it that summarily boil down to“I mean it could be metaphorical jilted lovers it could be this it could be jilted lover bros, it’s just a turn of phrase!” in a loop as they’ve done with this data for six years until it dies every time, but this was it. This was the moment.

There is a nuance in this sort of writing -- how easy would it be for Dean to come up and say,“I’ll take some beef jerky.” Dean’s the meat man, Dean loves meat! We’ve seen it in other, new, straight authors the first time they try to tick off the Dean checklist, but like many lessons, that extra line leading into that smile holds volumes of LGBT history unspoken.

I think several of us Old Gays(TM) have banged on about the necessity of reading the Celluloid Closet, because for as much as people think they’re chasing queer subtext around here, it’s like they have completely missed that there actually is like, a printed, accepted code of conduct on this sh*t, basically. That’s not exactly what it was released for, but if you’re LGBT and engaged in lit and over 40 like you’ve read and understand and know this.

I’m not going to sit here and over-needle that line; most of you felt it the second your eyes drifted over it; but the sum of it is -- why that, what charming secret comes with that smile, a dean we’ve never seen smoke either, how is this part of how Dean throws himself back before his ex buddy leaves more unseen, *why* is that the hook? These are ironically things that no lit crit study *beyond* excessive citation of Celluloid Closet will really capture. This is a form of queer coding -- not the villainous disaster type that queer coding actually *is*, but the subversive form as it’s begun to be casually addressed in the population with positive, resonant content by authors choked out by IP holders while trying to service an audience. Or sometimes, even starting to accidentally.

So you know, you can unironically double down on the simplicity of Dean implicitly probably being a smoker (a possible read of subtext!), and I think this is kinda where the bizarre split happened tbh, because dude bros double down subconsciously into each reading of this kind of coding-- Dean just smokes, or this or that, though it grows thinner by year. Not about why that line is tossed, and how, and does just set off some sort of TV pheremone we all swamp like a bee hive. None of these moments truly mean anything independently. But it is the perspective and voice the text begins to take. The difference between that and“Hey pal [chews on jerky before buying] marlboros and got any pie?” in one moment that knocked everybody around on their ass in the fray of it. And then it all just went gayer from there, as if framed by one sharp moment that set the rest of the tone.

Hopefully you’ve all read my giant post about the history of this all to remember what I mean by accidentally, but even Bobo posted on it before,

That’s all an aside to the general point but worth placing into the edge of the conversation here.

The simple fact is, an activist gay man joined the show, and possibly with‘keep it straight’ notes wrote some stuff so resonant, due to his point of view in life and the world, that even the showrunner decided to further guide it in that direction. It blossomed a direction.

The direction was small and slow and meek at first, (well, in final product -- don’t get me started at how S10 looks if all the cut scenes were included) with subtext running as dull echoes in Colette (oh look he wrote that too), and maybe more obvious with classic heart songs -- but even this was more structured than“Misha inherited abandoned storyline they scrubbed the romance out of as best they could”, or“Sera Gamble is a dumbass” that just happened to feature great chemistry and some resonant elements, like Bobo mentioned, we all connected with. But to actually constructively choose to incorporate these, no matter how quietly, was... *new.*

And some called it queerbait and I’ve already given history lessons from other angles on why no, but also now why here, definitely, no.

By season 12 we gained Yockey, another LGBT man, another activist in his own way like Bobo, but his less in writing political stuff and more in writing LGBT specialist plays. And everybody loved him, and saw it, and Yockey gets a boat load of praise -- deserves a lot of it -- but sometiems I feel like Bobo gets trampled over without recognition of how he shifted the playing field, the calculated effort he started putting into mastering those accidental resonances into something new, and ultimately to guiding the new author crew, Yockey included, or Jeremy on this newest episode who thanked him.

The same man that picked up Wayward and connected Dreamhunter... back to his own work and moments. The insanity of yelling“HOW DARE YOU LESSEN DREAMHUNTER BY COMPARING IT TO DESTIEL!” when, dead ass, you’re looking at this author who has carefully incorporated work and, with an already resonant story, made another relationship familiar to us by making it similar. Because that’s how writing stories works! But either way, Bobo has been in here doggedly growing the breadth of the legitimacy of queer narrative in supernatural -- to the point that it HAS narrowly, quietly breached into text even if not“loud” or“visible” enough for some people -- and the point where the subtext is so wall to wall and flooding every piece of cinematography in shooting and not just set or lights but complete mise en scene -- a point where everybody OUTSIDE of fandom is just addressing this sh*t as what it clearly is --

...That’s something that came with bringing the scope of an LGBT male author into the show. Whether you like the volume he’s been allowed to take his work to or not is your own thing, but before yelling queerbait at any creatives, perhaps it’s time to play“sit down children, and learn to appreciate the activists who came before you and how they’re fighting for you right now”. You wanna yell at something, get organized, pelt the CW in a non-aggressive, non-light-on-fire way, do activism like the books Emily put together that are resultingly still on the current showrunner’s desk now 6 years later, but most of all, don’t take a sh*t all over content you would otherwise enjoy, at the expense of a man in the demographic you’re trying to represent, who has battled, LITERALLY, for both the women and the gays in this show. Wayward was his baby. This slow swing in S9 that turned into a loud din in S12?

It wasn’t magic. It was a gay author. A gay author that has now climbed to be an Exec alongside dabb and the others and SURPRISE now suddenly everything’s so gay the whole goddamn world is seeing it. Literally SEEING IT, not just guys looking at each other with stories, but intentful, meritful choice in extremely bold cinematography choices that don’t require chasing a post-it on the wall, but instead are shot with care and devotion. Be that 12.19 Mixtape (OH DAT HIS) or 13.5′s Never Too Late (OH DAT YOCKEY. check what antis said to Dabb in his mentions after, even they saw it). Be that 14.18′s het drama PR promo (OH OOP DAT WAS HIS), be that 15.1-3′s entire tension and the openly addressed and so-called by media sources break up (OH DAT HIS), be that 15.7′s low key textuality (to which the new author thanked the elder for guidance, huh), or 8′s heavily shot domestic separation moment loudly filmed in the choicefully hollowed out and dimmed kitchen bereft of family -- this change? This had a moment. And you can find it.

I’ll have some beef jerky and a pack of menthols.

So this has been eating at me ever since this whole topic came into play.

Anyway full circle them trying to ride Bobo to Keep It Straight probably wasn’t their smartest idea ever. We gays are contrarian by nature so tell me to do it again, motherf*cker. And now here we are in Destiel Divorce Season 15 as heavily managed by Bobo.

Everyone got so f*ckin dramatic when Yockey said he was leaving like, tolling the burial bells of Destiel and-- like??? hello? BOBO? JUST? GOT? PROMOTED? Like Yockey didn’t make that entire platform all by himself, and hell, he didn’t leave without laying out unironic empty space of it. Yo guys, Berens done been here a WHILE to the point he’s now *callbacking his own season 9-10 material wtih him and dabb*. Like. Lmao. Guys. Guys listen. Listen. Think.

Whatever your weird goalpost is I’m not promising anybody’s anything is about to get hit. Whatever clown nose expectations you all have enjoy those and honk those loud and proud but remember most of those are yours. But respect the fact that Berens has essentially cornerstoned an entire queer canon within Supernatural discussion, of which others are included in as they joined.

And yes, queer canon. Not the way fandom throws it around for weird kissing spots, but articles of discussion of queer narratives, of which we can literally draw a wealth of episodes from LGBT authors or their understudies and literally point and go“all of that right there, officer.” Whether it’s visible or textual or undodgeable or marketed enough or glittery enough or whatever for everyone’s very unstable definition of“canon” -- Berens has literally cornerstoned an entire architecture of queer canon within this legacy show.

A Woman of Letters (Getting a Feel for Sam Winchester) - Chapter 16

Summary: You’ve just opened an occult bookstore in Lebanon, Kansas, when you fall for a tall, handsome customer…literally. You soon find out that there’s more to the world than you ever suspected, including you. Discovering your heritage puts you directly in a witch’s crosshairs, though, so the Winchesters offer to take you in and teach you how to protect yourself. As you discover your own family history with the supernatural and your own hidden talents, you can’t help but wish a certain brother was as excited about your interest as you are.

Total length: 43 chapters, 70,247 words - Read on AO3 - Series masterlist

Chapter word count:2335 words

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Warnings: Canon-level angst and violence

Sam

Spending the day translating Lloyd’s journal seemed far more interesting, if more productive, than trying to find a way to take out Rowena. At least, that’s what Sam convinced himself. He could translate the journals quickly, getting them off his mental to-do list, and then work on the slow and frustrating task of finding a way to kill the woman Y/N called The Queen Mum of Hell. He cracked a smile at the thought. Not only was she pretty, but she was funny, and caring, too. Sam closed his eyes for a moment and heard her laughter from the night before when Cas was doing his experiment. God, it was beautiful. He had held onto her hand, and never wanted to let it go as he had watched the different emotions pass through her. Sam shook his head to clear it. Back to translating. Get the journals done. Y/N will like being able to read these. Sam imagined her smile when he handed her the finished product. Stop it. You’re just getting the easiest job off of your to-do list. Her smile has nothing to do with it.

Sam went back to translating. He was almost at the end of the first journal. Lloyd had found a psychic who had helped him get started on learning how to protect his family from the supernatural. Sam kept working, until he got to the end of the journal, then re-read the last few lines. Sam paused, shook his head, and then read them again. Sam gave Cas a quick call and verified his translations were true, and then headed to the workout room to find Y/N.

Sam wondered how far Y/N had gotten in her training today. Getting her trained up and able to defend herself was extremely important so she could go back to living a normal life. As he got close to the workout room, he heard Dean telling a story about Crowley, and then laughter. As much as he loved the sound of both of them laughing, there hadn’t been any laughter in the bunker in far too long, he wondered why they weren’t training. Wasn’t getting her ready most important?

He entered the room and the laughter died away. Y/N turned toward him with a smile that simultaneously made him warm and broke his heart.

“Hey, Sam.” Sam finally managed a weak smile.

“Hey, guys, I thought you were training?” Sam looked at Dean pointedly, and Dean shrugged.

“She knows how to throw a punch without breaking her hand, and she hit the targets more often than not with the smaller guns downstairs. I figure it’s a good first day, so we’re taking a break. I was just telling her about that time Crowley was trying to steal candy from the vending machine and I yelled at him.” Dean smirked and stifled a chuckle, but all Sam could muster was a huff.

“Well, I got to the end of the first journal, and I found something interesting that I thought Y/N should know.” Sam sighed and sat down next to Y/N and faced her. “Apparently, Lloyd suspected your grandmother was a witch. Now, I checked with Cas on the translation, just to make sure I didn’t get my negatives doubled or something, but it looks like if she was a witch, she wasn’t practicing. He suspected her of ‘pushing’ people with her mind, sometimes, though. He said she’s very good at reading people, and she’s the most persuasive person he’s ever known, to the point that it’s unnatural. I haven’t gotten past this, but it sounds to me like you got your gift from your grandmother, and there might be more that you can do that you don’t know about, yet.” Sam stopped talking when he realized Y/N was giggling.

“I’m so sorry, Sam, but that is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard!” Y/N was openly laughing, now. Sam felt his stomach sink as he watched her laughing at him. When she finally controlled herself, she put a hand on Sam’s arm and smiled at him. “I’m not laughing at you, or your translation, so please, stop whatever it is that’s causing that sour feeling you’re sending to me.” Sam sat upright and tried to contain his feelings. “I’m laughing because my uncle was a paranoid dingbat sometimes. I mean, now that I know that supernatural stuff is out there, maybe he wasn’t so much of a dingbat, but he had his moments. He always thought the electric company was somehow cheating him, and he questioned the bank about every interest payment. Even if it wasn’t about money, if he somehow didn’t get his way, I’d have to listen to a tirade about how everyone somehow cheated the system except for him. The neighbors had prettier yards because they slipped a little something extra to the gardener, or the mechanic always took a day longer to fix his car than he did to fix anyone else’s. I don’t know what made him that way, but he turned away a lot of women who had eyes for him because of it.” Dean was grinning at Y/N while he watched her giggle, and Sam tried not to think about the soft look on Dean’s face.

“Your uncle sounds like a real joy to live with, Y/N.” Dean chuckled as he smiled at her. “That doesn’t necessarily mean he was wrong about your grandmother, though. Sam’s only at the end of the first journal. Who knows what proof your uncle may have found later on?” Y/N smiled at Dean while Sam did his level best to contain his feelings about it.

“I remember my grandmother, even though she died when I was still little, and I just don’t see it. She was the kindest woman I ever knew. She never lost her temper. She was persuasive, yes. She’d put her hand on your arm or something, look you in the eye, and gently tell you all the reasons she was right. She did it to me a couple of times, but you still can’t convince me she was a witch.” Y/N smiled and turned to Sam, making him concentrate extra hard to contain his feelings. “But, I’ll wait until you finish your translating before I make a final judgement on my uncle’s fear.” Sam tried to muster a smile.

“You know, hunters have used psychics for all kinds of things, and I bet the Men of Letters did, too. It wouldn’t surprise me if your grandparents met that way, but it was a big family secret, just like everything else.” Dean raised his eyebrows when he made the suggestion and Sam watched Y/N consider Dean’s words.

“Well, in that case, maybe you’re right. Either way, I’d rather wait and see if Uncle Lloyd wrote any more about it.” Y/N paused, thinking. “If she did, wouldn’t there be a record of it somewhere here in the bunker? I mean, if she worked with them and with hunters, she’d be mentioned somewhere here, right?” Sam nodded, and Y/N rested a hand on his arm. “Then, how about after I get cleaned up, you show me where I can start looking through records and that will be my project when I’m not training with Dean?” With Y/N’s eyes on him, Sam got strangely flustered, so just nodded.

“Y-Yeah.” Sam cleared his throat. “That sounds good.” Sam got up and started to head towards the door. “Well, I’m going to get back to it. One down and four to go.” Sam headed back to the library and flopped into a chair. He sighed, and then put his head down in his arms. Controlling whatever feelings he was putting out was difficult. And Y/N had called it sour. He was going to have to learn how to box up his emotions when he was around her. Sam’s thoughts were interrupted when he heard one of the chairs next to him slide across the floor. He looked up to see Cas taking a seat.

“Hey, Cas. I didn’t hear you come in.”

“Hello, Sam. Sorry if I startled you. You looked like you were resting. Want me to work on the journals for a while so you can take a break?” Sam inched the journal in his hands closer to himself. For reasons he wouldn’t admit to even himself, he wanted to be the one to do the translating. Considering Y/N’s reaction to his translations so far, maybe he should have Cas check his work when he’s done, though.

“No, that’s okay. But thanks for offering. Maybe you can help me with something else, though?”

Cas tilted his head to the side a little and said, “How can I be of assistance?”

“Y/N and I were just talking, and she had to ask me to control whatever it was I was feeling because it felt sour to her. We had a misunderstanding, and I guess my frustration or whatever seeped out and she caught it.” Sam glanced down at his hands for a moment, then looked back up at Cas. “I mean, if she’s affected by everything that everyone else feels, that’s got to be exhausting for her. Is there any way to control what comes out of me so she can’t feel every little thing?” Cas nodded.

“I can try to teach you to put up a wall, of sorts, if you’d like.”

“That’d be great, Cas.”

“Okay, then. Close your eyes and imagine a place where you are happy and safe. If you were Dean, I’d suggest the Impala. For me, it’s a garden. It’s better if it’s a real place, just for the ease of imagining it. Do you have a place in mind?”

Sam nodded. When he was at Stanford, there was a room in the library where he loved to go and study. It was filled with books, of course, but it was quiet, and away from everything else. Oddly enough, it was the mythology section, which didn’t get a lot of use, so it was rare to find other people there. Sam pictured the room as he remembered it and smiled.

“Can you describe it to me?”

“It’s a room that was in the library at Stanford. So, bookcases, books, and a table to sit at.” Sam tried to picture little details of the room like the painting on the wall and the feel of the table underneath his fingertips. Cas interrupted his thought.

“Good. I can work with that. Now picture that each book is a feeling of yours. I want you to put each book away on the shelves, and then leave the room, shutting the door behind you.” Sam pictured a book with “JOY” written on the cover, and put it on the shelf. He did the same with “GRIEF,” “DUTY,” “FEAR,” and “ANGER,” though those books were larger. He turned around in his little room and was surprised to find a book titled “JESS” lying on the table. Jess wasn’t a feeling. Jess was…Jess. Sam sighed. He carefully shelved the book between “JOY” and “GRIEF.” He turned around, and found a thick tome that looked like a world atlas on steroids sitting on the table. “GUILT.” Yeah, that figures. It took him two tries, but he was finally able to pick up the book, and he found a shelf built exactly for it in a corner shelf underneath where the globe sat. He checked the table one last time, and saw the last book, “LOVE.” Part of him wanted to flip through that one, but now wasn’t the time. He shelved the book on the innermost part of the shelf, next to “JOY.” If anyone were to run into this room and grab the first books they could reach, “LOVE” would still be safely hidden away for a long time. Sam looked over the room again, and then walked out, shutting the door behind him. For safe measure, he turned around and faced the door, turning a key in the lock and putting it in his pocket. As his mind’s eye walked away from the door, Sam opened his eyes and looked at Cas.

“Did I do it right?” Cas peered at him, and his mind’s eye saw the door to his room rattle. The lock held, though, and Sam smiled. Cas nodded, but didn’t smile.

“Yes, Sam. I think you did. I’m not getting anything off of you right now. I believe that will hold up against Y/N’s gift, as long as she doesn’t invasively try to sense anything. I wouldn’t suggest keeping the room locked when you’re alone, though. Let the room air out, as it were, whenever you can, or it will become less effective. Just use it when you need to.” Sam nodded at Cas.

“Thanks, man. Hopefully that will keep me from bothering her again.” Sam pushed the first journal over to Cas, along with his translations, and started discussing some of the trickier phrases with the angel. A few minutes later, Y/N came in and sat down across the table from them. Sam checked his mental library room, found a stray book titled “FRUSTRATION” sitting on a shelf outside the door, chucked the book inside the room, and slammed the door shut. With everything locked away, he smiled easily at Y/N.

“Hey, guys. Sam, if you’ve got a minute to show me where the files are, I can get started on them.” Y/N smiled at Sam, and Sam noted with relief the lack of response his body gave. No heartbeats skipped; no flushing in his face. This little exercise might help more than just Y/N. Sam got up and led Y/N into one of the records rooms. He pointed out boxes and file cabinets, and told her if she needed any help moving anything, to come and get him. As he walked back to the library, Sam congratulated himself on finally being able to interact with Y/N without having a million feelings trip him up.

Reading List: April

I missed archiving fics I read in March, but I’m back for April. Some of the fics I might have read in March. I’m still not very good at keeping track of what I read when! But the important part is that you get some fics to read! ;D

I’ve added the archive warnings in the brackets in case there were any, but didn’t include the tags. So make sure to read them.

Enjoy! ♥

bring it on home byxylodemon(2.4k)

"She ─" Sam grimaces again. "She likes tea, right?"

Dean hesitates. He pictures their old kitchen in Lawrence ─ the floral wallpaper, the walnut cabinets, the pots and pans hanging on hooks. Sheer, white curtains had hung in the windows, and Mary had left them open because she'd liked plenty of sunlight. It had smelled like coffee in the mornings. Dean had always lined his army men up on the table before eating his Cheerios.

"I don't know," he admits. "She ─ maybe."

Soft and gentle, but also slightly melancholy coda fic for 12x02

The One: Supernatural Edition bymotorbike_on_the_avenue (73k)

The One is America's #1 dating show!

Twenty contestants will spend six weeks competing in tasks, to show the American public they should be picked to marry the suitor.Over the six weeks, they'll be voted down till just The One remains...

Dean Winchester is this year's suitor. A 34 year old firefighter from Kansas he isn't entirely sure why he applied to a dating show where he has to get married at the end.

Especially since he'll never have met (or seen) anything about his future lawfully wedded whatever.

But just who will be voted The One?

This is such an enjoyable fic! Dean and Cas don’t even meet each other until the very end, but the premise is so captivating and I constantly was nervous and rooting for my faves *lol*

Kitchen Overhaul byPowerfulweak(Explicit, 20k)

For Dean Winchester, his family’s bakery is his life, even if business is tanking. When his brother volunteers them for the reality show “Kitchen Overhaul”, Dean is less than enthusiastic with changing anything about his beloved bakery. He is even less enthusiastic to deal with the infamously icy host, Chef Castiel Novak.

Just like the previous fic on the list, this fic also has a TV show format as the premise of its story, but it’s more in the background. I loved this a lot! I got frustrated because of Dean, then because of Cas, but it’s all very rewarding!

Peak hom*osexual byK_K_TiBal(3.7k)

You know that thing that happens where you hear something really hom*ophobic in public so you gay it up as much as you can? This is that story.

Cute, pretend relationship fic! ♥

Neighborly Behavior byAnnie D (scaramouche)(1.8k)

Cas and Dean at a neighborhood potluck, in an AU where they're both kinda assholes.

It’s hilarious and always good for a re-read!

Dean's Table bythrough_shadows_falling (4.9k)

On Castiel’s first day waiting tables at the Roadhouse Diner, his co-worker tells him to save a spot for Dean, a young veteran with a cane who sits in the same corner booth every day. Dean doesn’t talk, but Castiel’s charm soon works its magic until Dean reveals that he’s there to reconnect with his brother after a painful falling out. Castiel hopes Dean will succeed, even as Castiel's roommate, Sam, visits the diner one morning.

Lovely story about Cas easing Dean out of his lonely shell. And it also includes a happy reunion.

The Glen byAnnie D (scaramouche)(3.2k, Explicit)

Dean's run out of excuses to not claim Cas, so he finally does. Better late than never, right?

This is actually set after a previous story, which focuses on Sam and Kevin. It might be slightly confusing without the previous part but I think still an interesting read, especially with the following part!

The Shop on the Corner byCasCase(18.6k, Mature)

Two years ago Castiel left behind his job and his past to fulfill his dream of opening a neighborhood bookshop. Now, his shop is popular and he’s finding himself fitting in with his new community. He’s perfectly happy with his quiet life among the books.

Perhaps the only thing that could make it absolutely perfect would be the attentions of Dean-the-Delivery-Guy. But, of course that means Castiel will have to work beyond his own insecurities to find a way to see the gorgeous man more than once a week.

Maybe he should stick to the books after all.

This was fun and lovely and even though there’s a bit of angst and pining involved, Dean’s gentle patience were lovely!

In Someone Else's Life byblue_morning(4.5k)

Cas never believed in love at first sight, but when he accidentally crashes a wedding trying to keep his brother out of trouble, it happens to him. Happy ending, right? Yeah, except that the man he falls for just happens to be the groom.

Light-hearted misunderstandings (mostly Gabriel’s fault) and an absolutely hilarious ending!

The Return Policy byaileenrose(12.9k, Explicit)

"Most of his visitors are academics. They come from universities all over the nation, sometimes beyond. Others write books. The man in the Reading Room today is neither. He’s a tall, irritated man with a federal badge."

The federal agent's partner is usually the one who does the research. And even though Cas doesn't think this man is a real federal agent, he's happy to help where he can.

A great read, close to canon, with lovely atmosphere!

Do You Need a Stepdad? bysupernatural9917 (1.8k)

When Claire Novak tweets a picture of her dad cooking, she didn't expect to go viral, or for everyone to be quite so hot for her dad.

Based on a photo prompt: Teenager Claire posts a snarky tweet about her single dad Cas, and gets this response. She says ‘LOL no he’s gay’ so Dean tweets to ask if she needs a stepdad!

It might be short but it’s incredibly delightful!

How to Keep Time byaileenrose(6.6k, Mature)

Dean's just beginning to learn that some times are more precious than others.

Very touching fic, featuring homeless Cas making beautiful things and Dean having to (re) learn what’s truly valuable.

The Neighboring Perspective byaileenrose(12.7k, Mature)

Dean's newly single, in a new house, and a brand-new father to boot.

Dean's also got this weird thing where some stranger is leaving baby clothes on his porch at night.

A very lovely fic with Cas breaking my heart with his softness and his sadness...! ;w;

Best You Ever Ate bydarkforetold(1.7k, Explicit)

Cas sucks—under a table at Ma's Diner.

A PWP! :D

For Science byshiphitsthefan(6.1k, Explicit)

“Think of it like an experiment," says Dean. "You’re testing a hypothesis as to whether or not a desirable response can be achieved through the stimulation of the anus via the application of a willing volunteer’s muscular hydrostat.”

Cas raises an eyebrow. “Are you actually trying to use the scientific method to talk me into letting you lick my asshole?”

It might sound like a cracky PWP, but it’s not! It features ace!Cas and Dean figuring out their sexual relationship. It’s sweet and funny~

Remarkable byshiphitsthefan(3.7k)

It’s only Castiel’s first day as a teacher at All City Elementary in Sioux Falls, and he’s already been warned by four teachers, the guidance counselor, the principal, and the librarian to watch out for Ben Braeden’s father. Unluckily for Castiel, Dean turns out to be just as “helpful” as everyone’s said, bringing in stacks of literature and just as many ideas for how Mr. Milton can encourage his students to be more socially conscious. Castiel dismisses him every time with hardly a second thought.

When Ben brings in his Patriot Day essay assignment, Mr. Milton can't help but change his mind.

I love how passionate and insistent Dean is about social issues. And the way the other teachers speak about Dean makes me sad, but at least Cas makes an effort and the whole fic is very sweet and uplifting!

Made Manifest byschmerzerling

Wherein Castiel defied God for Dean before Dean even knew his name.

I was craving trans!Dean fic and this was recommended to me. It’s really good, focusing on Dean up until Cas pulls him out of hell and recongizes Dean for who he is. Dean, not Deanna.

Low Battery Blues bydestielonfire(4k)

Wherein a dead phone battery ruins an otherwise perfectly good and well-intended joke and causes Cas to think Dean broke up with him.

Misunderstanding with a happy ending!

Parent's Weekend byPiper_Halliwell1979(1.7k)

Claire needs a "dad" to come meet one of her professors during Parent's Weekend at college. She can't get hold of Cas so Dean steps up to help her out. Turns out Claire wouldn't mind if she had two dads.

Dean and Cas both pretend to be Claire’s dads!

This Is Gonna Have Consequences, Kid byomgbubblesomg(Explicit, 3.6k)

Modern AU. Dean is looking for someone to spend the night and Cas is working the streets

PWP with sex worker Cas, featuring younger!Cas and older!Dean.

The Ritual byHazelDomain(Explicit, 9.6k // non-con cw)

The Winchesters were used to being outnumbered. They weren’t too worried about taking on humans, numerous though they may be. It was the ritual’s mystery guest that concerned them.

Their intel wasn’t good. They knew the cultists needed the participation of some incredibly powerful being in order to complete the summoning. “Powerful” and “being” were both very loosely translated, as was “participation.”

I was on a hurt!Cas kick and this story has plenty of it. Cas was abducted by a cult and then found by the Winchesters once it’s been mostly completed. See the archive warnings (graphic violence and rape) and further tags!

Finding Courage byDarkHeartInTheSky(26.3k)

By allowing Lucifer to use him as a vessel, Castiel helped eliminate the Darkness and saved the World. But it may have been at the cost of Sam and Dean's friendship. Deciding he has nothing to live for without that, Castiel plans to end his life on his terms and be at peace---if only a certain ghost of an archangel would leave him alone. Meanwhile, Dean needs to learn to use his words.

A Supernatural "It"s A Wonderful Life" AU

More hurt Cas. Dean reacts very negatively once Cas is free of his possession, sending him away. As a consequence Cas tries to commit suicide and is given the chance to either die or return to life once more. It takes a while to convince him that he hasn’t lost everything. It’s sad but it has a good ending.

Specimen Two Eighty Five byHazelDomain(Explicit, 8k // non-con cw)

Prompt: Cas gets taken prisoner by the MOL or some other people. They lump angels in with all the other supernatural creatures, and believe they’re little better than animals. They keep Cas restrained and burn or tattoo warding on him. They talk about him like he can’t understand them. They strip him, examine him, make him manifest his wings. He can’t escape, and every day brings new mistreatment and misery.

Hurt!Cas and tortured Cas seems to be the theme of my reading at the end of April. What I particularly like about this is the non-linear narration!

Womb Kindred byAnnie D (scaramouche) (Explicit, 33k)

It was probably too much to hope for that Castiel's once-betrothed, Dean of Winchester, never found out that they had a child together.

I adore this fic and the last chapter was recently posted. So it’s on my to re-read list! It’s got a very interesting setting and there’s constant tension between all the characters. Cas has been hurt in the past and while he is fierce in guarding Claire, there’s a sad resignation about him. And about Dean as well. They’re pretty much walking on eggshells around each other all the time and then they get flung into troubles which readjusts their relationship. While it has a good ending, it’s clear that it’s not a perfect happy ever after.

Pining Sickness; Or, Murder With One Stone by athaclena, iraeim(Explicit, 57.8k)

New York, 1895. The rigid customs of the old century are beginning to fall away, allowing access to the professions for more people than just Omega men and Alpha women. Dean Winchester, the city’s first Alpha male Detective, uncovers evidence that a mysterious new illness killing mated couples might have its origins is the criminal rather than the medical.

Castiel Novak is a respectable Omega doctor who has started to see patients dying cruelly of something he cannot cure or even effectively treat. Approached by the Detective to once again give his medical expertise, he is eager to work towards finding a cause and, he hopes, a cure for the unfortunate sufferers. But both men harbour a secret attraction towards the other, and the quest for the truth will stretch their relationship beyond its limits.

A historical murder mystery set against a backdrop of a non-traditional Omegaverse.

I absolutely adored this fic! It’s got a historical setting and a very interesting world building which, as the summary advertises, features a non-traditional distribution of roles, with omega men at the top of society. The case itself is interesting and you just get a massive dose of pining between Dean and Cas, but it’s a quiet, resigned kind of pining, that really pulls at your heart.

Take On Me byPowerfulweak (Explicit, 46.4k)

Alpha Dean Winchester figured the closest he’d get to the apple pie life and fatherhood was a one-shot, “wham-bam-thank-you-mam” trip to a sperm bank. That is, until he comes face-to-face with the omega carrying his pup on a fateful trip to the grocery store. When the the omega runs off without a word, though, Dean learns the situation is far more complicated than he expected. Can an anonymous sperm donation and the favor of a lifetime help two complete strangers find everything their life was missing?

A fic with an unusual premise that just promises a “it’s complicated” kind of situation! There’s plenty of very intriguing angst, but there is a fluffy happy ending!

Marry Him byProLazy(2.9k)

Jimmy is sick and asks Castiel to do him a favour. This results in Dean mistaking Cas for Jimmy and explaining that he wants to marry Cas.

A cute sort of mistaken identity fic!

Left Behind byAini_NuFire(6.6k)

Sam and Dean saved Lucifer from Amara. They just assumed that meant they’d saved Cas too…

(Author needs to vent some angst, but there’s still a happy ending)

That last part of the summary pretty much describes this fic. It’s a gen fic, addressing the fact that Cas often gets forgotten or left behind, especially in this whole Lucifer and Chuck fiasco. ;w;

Captured bybobertsmallismydad(6.2k)

On a day when he is taking a break from Heaven Castiel is captured by the order of the Royal Court aka King "Dickbag" John Winchester. He is forced into servitude as a . . . nanny?

This has a very interesting premise! An enslaved angel having to work as a nanny? Great! Castiel is captured by king John (a douchebag) and tasked to watch over Dean, which he does, over the years. Until Dean himself becomes king.

Choice and Precious Vessels byjustabrain(11.2k)

In a world where angels wear collars to suppress their powers and are subservient to humans, a young Castiel finds himself serving a family with two young boys, Sam and Dean. He soon befriends the older of the two, yet all good things must come to an end.

Another gen, Cas whump one. It’s a sad story in which angels are slaves and even though Castiel’s situation improved when he is being bought by the Winchester family, Cas still isn’t treated with dignity. And while the story promises a happy ending and it does have a happy ending, my soul wasn’t quite soothed. ;w; All the damage had been done and nobody makes reparations for it. But despite the sadness I do think it’s a great read!

the worst week of dean's life byjhoom(1.7k)

Dean’s son is driving him crazy.

Super cute, poor Dean is so frustrated because he can’t get his son to call him dada.

Moonlit Sky byhollyblue2(1.1k)

They'd been busy on their actual anniversary, so Dean decides to make it up to Castiel.

A soft and fluffy story, good for the heart!

Dean's Carol byBurningTea(17.9k)

Dean has learned that a hunter can't have close friends or loved ones, not without being ready to lose them, so he decides it's safer for Cas not to be around.

Can the traditional visits from three ghosts change his mind?

Dean has to learn an important lesson! I love how it takes the story of the christmas carol and putting it into a canon compliant universe, where Dean is aware of what’s happening because he knows the story.